2018 recap

2018 was a very bittersweet year for us, and probably one of the hardest so far. Looking back this is most likely the very reason I had no motivation to blog. Due to the lack of posts during this year, I figured I might as well do a quick recap on some of the most memorable moments... 

We started the year off rough, a water pipe burst, flooding our entire downstairs. This led to needing all new flooring which took over a month to order and install. We were lucky enough to have amazing friends that let us stay with them while some of the major repairs were being made. This also happened in the midst of our biggest project yet, painting the cabinets. It was nice to have a brand new kitchen after all the extra stress. We had several snow days full of fun and birthdays to celebrate. Autumn turned 1 and Zeek turned 5. Unfortunately, Jonny was bedridden with the flu during Zeeks celebration at Chuckie Cheese! Once things calmed down, Jonny & I had the amazing opportunity to celebrate him turning 30 with a getaway to Asheville. One of our best trips yet! We had family adventures and fun times exploring. Zeek graduated from Preschool. Jonny surprised me with another getaway for my 30th birthday to lake Jocassee. We camped right on the lake and had an amazing time kayaking and paddle boarding. We grew some amazing friendships and had fun adventures and quality time with them. Jonny & I finally got our matching deer tattoos. But then we also had to say farewell to several close friends that moved away!

Our family had the amazing opportunity to fly to the Oregon coast and stay in a beach house with my entire family to celebrate my parents 40th wedding anniversary! This was such a once in a life time experience, exploring the very coast my mom grew up on and the coast my parents honeymooned on years ago. This family time will forever be cherished! Jonny and I celebrated 9 years of marriage. Zeek started his first year at the elementary school! He's our big kindergartner. It was a rough start with lots of anxiety and fears that we worked through and now he's loving school. He was even picked by his classmates to earn the Terrific Kid award! We are so proud of him. This year was full of more snuggles than I'd ever want from our kiddos. Thanksgiving was bittersweet since we had no extend family celebrations due to the fact that all our kids were sick. But we had a fun mini celebration as our small family. Zeek participated in lots of school activities like the fun run and his Christmas choir program. And Christmas came and went before we knew it. The kids got a trampoline and send every day outside jumping! We ended the year in the midst of exploring several medical issues (depression, OCD, auto-immune disorders, and migraines) which made it a hard ending to the year, having no answers to move forward with! One word to summarize the year would be 'Bittersweet'. With all the bad and hard things we faced there was always a blessing that came along with it, and we attribute that to our loving God! 

Wrestling with Life

After reading back through my previous posts I was reminded of the beauty of documenting life through this little blog. It's so good for my heart to re-read just how far I have come over the past year & to see the life changing events that have taken place, whether those are just daily life tasks or major life milestones. It's just so easy to forget those details  in the midst of new journeys &/or trials. So, here I am again... attempting to blog and document life! 

To be completely honest, I find myself in a season of self-discovery and acceptance. A stay at home mom to two little ones and pregnant with the biggest surprise of our life, I constantly have to remind myself daily, that this IS God's plan and it's all for a reason. This pregnancy has not been easy, physically, mentally, or emotionally. But it's happening during one of the toughest times for many around us, reminding us of God's blessing on our family. We're learning to love, grieve, process, and accept things we never imagined and it's so tough, yet so good for our ever-changing hearts & souls. This is life. And this is what life is about. Growing, changing & loving...

I'm continually asking myself "who am I" and "just where do I fit in..."! I'm sure every mom has wrestled with these questions, but they're starting to form the whirlwind of life I'm currently in and it's rather overwhelming. So, this is me reminding myself, I don't have to have it all together and most likely never will, but being real and vulnerable is usually a good place to start! 

So, as of now, I'm 23 weeks pregnant with Autumn Grace, our biggest surprise. We thought we were done having kids after two, simply bc we had such a rough time with Ivy as a newborn (so much depression & exhaustion left us drowning). When we felt like we finally started to get a handle on life again, that was exactly when God threw us the curve ball of finding out we were pregnant (while on birth control & before Ivy even turned 1).  After several weeks of this sinking in, we thought we lost Autumn because of some complications, but she has proven to be a fighter! God has given us peace & grace during the processing time for all of it to sink in. And now we are so eager to meet her in February... Ivy has just started walking this week at 16 months old and has entered a stage of cuteness, that is just heart-melting, with her talking & understanding so much more. This has been a breath of fresh air from her previous phase, her very unhappy infant phase. Zeek is still such a sweet big brother with the most tender heart, but just as rambunctious & my lil super-hero fighting, dirt loving boy! I love watching how sweet he is talking about and informing everyone of miss Autumn Grace in my belly. Jonny is really enjoying his job these days, but it does come with some tough situations that make relationships & life difficult (cancer, death, divorce, sin, etc.)! But God is good & is constantly giving us both understanding, peace, & grace during these times! ... That's where we are, living in constant grace and love trying to process life as best as we can! 

2015 Recap

*2015*

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We started the year with a beautiful blanket of snow! Along with our little guy turning two and a growing babe in my belly...

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We were thrilled to find out we were expecting a baby girl, Ivy Savannah! Zeek was especially thrilled as he even told us before that it was going to be a "sister"! 

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Jonny and I had the privileged of escaping for a weekend to enjoy a 'babymoon'! We explored Hilton Head Island and Savannah, GA while spending quality time together rekindling our love! 

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6.14.15. 

Our baby girl arrived in this world! 

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And our little boy grew up more than I could ever imagine and became an amazing big brother! He has the most tender heart and love for his baby sister.

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Ivy had jaundice, reflux, & a dairy sensitivity that we all had to adapted to! ... And Grams came to visit all the way from California to help out & spend time with us!

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Our dear friend from college, Phelpsie, came all the way from Taiwan to visit for a couple days and it was such a joy to see him! 

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We lost a great great man! 

I'm so proud to call him Grandpa and so thankful he was able to meet our boy!

I will always remember his stories and great legacy. 

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Even through postpartum depression and Ivy's fussy spells due to belly problems we continued to form a strong bond & love! 

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Due to several health issues, I discovered I had many food allergies and started a new lifestyle journey! I'm currently gluten-free, dairy-free, peanut-free, & MSG free. This journey has forced me to live in a completely different way, one way is by baking and cooking on a regular basis. It has shown immense improvement, not only in my physical well-being, but my entire families! 

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We have been blessed with an amazing family and can't wait to see how God will continue growing us in our love for each other! 

Merry Christmas

We wish you all a very Merry (late) Christmas! We enjoyed a nice (warm) family morning in eating cinnamon roll casserole and opening gifts. Zeek wanted to open every gift possible, starting with the biggest ones, of course. And Ivy slept in til 9:15 missing half of the gift opening time, but once she joined us she loved grabbing and eating the paper while Zeek opened the gifts for her! They had such great team work! Ivy woke with a surprise for all of us, a gift of her very own - her first two front teeth! We had a rough week with teething, so we were all so thankful when they finally popped through... It ended up becoming a very Star Wars themed Christmas, unintentionally, which then lead to great fathering/teaching moments for my hubby. J is such an amazing daddy & Zeek really looks up to him, so watching that relationship continually grow has become one of the most heart-warming things for me! Not only did J teach the kids about Star Wars, but he came up with several new family traditions this year. He read Jesus's birth in the Jesus Story book bible to the kids before bed on Christmas Eve, he talked Zeek through the gift of Jesus many times throughout the season so he could understand what the gifts really are about, and we started off gift opening Christmas morning with a prayer thanking Jesus for being our greatest gift, the gift of life! I pray that these ideas continue to be at the center of every Christmas for our family and that we don't lose sight of what it's really about as we train our children up in these ways! ... One of the most precious thing I'll remember about this season was continually hearing Zeek talk about how "Jesus was coming to our home on Christmas day so he can open his presents... bc it's His birthday!" It makes sense to me and I really do wish Jesus is coming back soon... 

Our Miscarriage.

Everything in me hesitates to write this next post, but then there's something else nagging at me & nudging... As I sit and read different posts & blogs, I remember just how common it really is and not just that it's common, but that God has a different experience for each one, yet helps us all so uniquely! So, as I read the posts and then look at my old pictures, I well up with tears I didn't think I had or needed or better yet, thought I'd ever feel! 

I simply want to state that this post isn't for any other purpose than for me. For me to process & remember the journey God's brought us on... 

Yes, at the end of April we were overjoyed to find out we were expecting again... I decided to take a test because of how sick & nauseous I was feeling! From day one the morning sickness hit. Several people around us continued to encourage us by saying that sickness was a sign of a healthy baby, so we continued to push through with excitement! As most of you can imagine the house-hunt got a little more serious when we knew baby #2 was on the way. I firmly believe that the timing of it all was part of God's way of bringing us to the perfect home...  We went on our anniversary trip to Hilton Head and embraced every minute, reminiscing on where God brought us over the past five years. It brought us so much joy to see God's gifts & blessing of life! We announced to family with this picture on Mother's day so our loved ones could join in the excitement! 

Routinely, our 8 week ultrasound came... after I was prescribed something for my horrible morning sickness, the exam went perfectly! But then came the ultrasound, in that awkward moment laying on the bed, with the screen projected on the wall, we watched the tech type faster & faster & continue going over the same spot with her wand, until she asks "when was your last period? Are you sure you're not earlier than 8 weeks?" ... In that moment I knew,  I knew exactly how far along I was & I could see on the screen where there was no shapes or movements. I knew, there was no baby! We were rushed out to see the doctor for his review & we were told it's called a "blighted ovum". In the early early stages of development my body recognized the baby wasn't healthy & it started to discard it, never allowing it to grow & develop! 

Initially, we were heart broken, but soon after we had extreme feelings of peace, only given by God! The phrase "God gives & takes away" rang, oh, so true... This was God's plan for us & He had a purpose! We still might not know that purpose, but we have faith & can trust God with it! 

[These were from our Anniversary beach trip!]

I went in for a follow up ultrasound to confirm there was no baby growth the next week. Everything went as expected, until the tech showed us what she called "debris". Yes, it means what you think. That word, it still rings in my ears. That made the entire grief process start all over for me... God stayed true & brought me peace again! 

The doctor allowed me several weeks to wait it out for my body to "release" everything, but to our surprise it didn't... One of the hardest parts of this process was watching my body think it was still pregnant, yet mentally knowing, I wasn't! I was still constantly sick with morning sickness, achy, smell sensitivity, etc. The sac continued to grow. And there was never one physical sign (bleeding, cramping, etc) of miscarrying! So, inevitably, we had to schedule a d&c... 

At 11.5 weeks I went in for a routine procedure. In that moment, knowing it was routine gave me so much reassurance. But today, as I reflect, it breaks my heart to know that it's happening so frequently... During that week I don't think I ever had time or energy to really grasp what was going on. All I could think about was how I'd do going under & how long recovery would be. Again, I think that was by the Grace of God. A week after the procedure God graciously gave Jonny & I a weekend at the lake where we were able to rest, reflect, & be rejuvenated. 

Now, I sit in peace knowing God's in control & that his plan is perfect! I cherish those sweet snuggles from my firstborn more & more. And I relate even more to the song, Jonny & I consider one of "our" songs (even before this happened), "It is Well"! ... I have moments where it all wells up in me and I, again, grieve. And there are still moments I watch siblings play, wishing & dreaming of that bond for my son, heartbroken that it could have been sooner! But, I still know God is good. & I have to constantly remind myself of that, as now, we are in the waiting period again...

When peace like a river attendeth my way

when sorrows like sea billows roll

what ever my lot you have taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul

Great Gramps

"Oh, be still my heart..." 

This, this right here... It melts my heart every single time I see it! I've recently been reminiscing about my trip out west & cherishing each little moment. But, I seem to keep stumbling back to our time with my grandparents, Zeeks great grandparents! Just knowing that he was privileged to meet them is such a huge blessing to me! And to see them interacting & my grandparents love towards him was such a beautiful show of God's love & mercy passed from generation to generation! Truly humbling...

Psalm 145:13

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, And your dominion endures throughout all generations.

Guest Post: Sisterhood

Dear Readers of Simplicity and Reality,

I feel like a formal introduction is needed before I begin. I’m Sheila, Mandy’s older sister. I live in Boise, Idaho where I teach junior high kids and write (occasionally) on my own blog. 

Mandy asked me to write a “guest post” for her blog on sisterhood and what it means to me. To be honest, when she first asked me to write this post, I wasn’t really sure what to say. I mean, yes sisterhood is a wonderful gift but what is there to write about? 

So after months of procrastination, I finally forced myself to sit down and reflect. Here are my thoughts on what sisterhood means to me.

1. My sister’s friendship is constant.

No matter how much of the raw me my sister sees…

No matter the opinions we agree with or disagree with…

No matter the thousands of miles apart or the different seasons of life we are in…

No matter the hurt feelings, the unspoken competition, the awkward family dinners…

No matter what…

We are sisters. We are friends. We are constant.

2. We testify to the growth and change in each other from childhood to adulthood. 

My sister and I were very different growing up. She was rather boy(ish) –playing soccer, getting in the mud, running around with my brother. As she ran around in her cut off T-shirts, boy shorts, and way too short of a haircut, I wanted so badly to pierce her ears. I thought that would at least distinguish her as a girl. She was fearless and she didn’t care about what others thought of her. Me, on the other hand, I was bratty, spoiled, bossy, and a know-it-all. I was the older sister that always got her way and that had to be the best at everything. I cared way too much of what others thought of me. Needless to say, Mandy and I were as opposite as we could get and that clashed between us for years. We were not friends. We could barely carry out a normal conversation. It wasn’t until Mandy moved away to college that we met each other again. We began to get to know the new us. We set aside of what we knew about the old sister and we began a process of meeting the new sister. Today we both can look back at who we were 20 years ago and we can share the ways in which we’ve seen each other grow and change and become new people. It will be interesting in another 20 years to see how we have changed again, but just as sisters do, we will be there (God willing) to say, “Hey, remember when you used to be like that?! Gosh how you have changed.”

3. We fart together and we try each other’s hobbies.

Time with my sister is very special probably because it is rare. We see each other maybe once or twice a year, but every time we are together it is like the realest part of me comes to life. Farts, jokes, sarcasm, silly girl laughs; all the things that we hide in adult friendships come flowing out. We live together. We try each other’s hobbies and we make memories together. My “sister friendship” brings out the realest of me.

4. We push each other to the next perspective.

As we each grow and change, we learn new things. We share those things we learn and hopefully, we encourage each other to see a different perspective. We are still very different people with different personalities and different outlooks, but I know that as we both have walked through life and walked with each other through life, we have learned to see life from each other’s perspectives and that has changed the way I see life.

Well, I guess I had more to say about sisterhood than I thought. 

To sum things up, I guess I would encourage you in one way. It wasn’t until recently where I truly started to appreciate this sisterhood that I have. I have taken my friendship for granted; not realizing how fortunate I am. So today I encourage you, go say thank you to the sister or brother you have…

Go reconnect if you have drifted apart…

Or go say thank you to the one friend you can truly live life REAL with

Because isn’t that what life is all about?

Time with Family

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Mother-daughter time.

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Sister time.

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Meeting his Great Grandparents.

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Time with Gram & Gramps

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& family time! 

As I opened my blog this morning to post Zeeks eight month post, I was a little embarrassed when I saw that my last one was his seven month update... exactly one month ago (today)! As most of you know, traveling is my excuse for not blogging (I really haven't forgotten about you)... Twenty days of busy traveling that is. I'll recap by saying Zeek & I flew 4884 miles, drove at least 22 hours, explored four different states (ID, WA, OR, CA), & eleven different cities! Each one of us was sick at least once (if not more), Zeek got his first TWO teeth, Zeek met lots of new people, we marveled at the Pacific Ocean & saw beautiful country we've never seen all while spending quality time with family! It truly was a trip of a life time and  full of memories that will be cherished till death! There's nothing quite as special as spending time with family... (more details on the trip to come...) 

Tribute to my hubby

After finding myself in the midst of many conversations about "husbands" & seeing the conversation progressively become more of a dream session of what wives wished they had verses them acknowledging & appreciating what they did have, I decided to publicly recognize this ^^^ amazing guy! [Side Note: I highly discourage & pretty much hate the idea of these husband gossip-fests... As wives we should be uplifting our husbands & publicly praising them instead of casting them in a negative light! So fellow wife, I urge & encourage you to flee from complaining or gossiping & start praising & encouraging! ok, end of rant]  So, I found that in those conversations I had to sit back & listen to the other woman with little to no input because I simply couldn't relate to them, due to the fact my husband does have a lot of the dream-esque qualities expressed... I say that not to brag, but because it took me by surprise that I had to hear it (indirectly) from other women to realize what an amazing husband I really do have and just how lucky I truly am... I sit here thinking through all the things I have to thank him for and realize it's endless, so I'll start with just a few...

Thank you for...   

1. coming home after long days of work & willingly cooking me dinner because I'm too tired!

2. always gratefully helping around the house so I don't feel like it's an overwhelming burden!

3. all those times I can't get to sleep because my body aches so badly and you selflessly massage my shoulders, feet, or legs until I can fall asleep!

4. never raising your voice & yelling around me or your son (or ever, for that matter)!

5. never looking down on me for my flaws, but always encouraging me to stay positive (mainly with my looks & poor attitude). 

6. constantly helping with Zeek by changing hundreds of diapers, your encouragement with motherhood, & your amazing love towards him! You're an amazing daddy! 

 7. always putting me first & loving me unconditionally while spurring me on to be the best person you know I can be! 

8. always being your silly self & reminding me to have fun in life!! You truly are my super-hero! ;-)