Going Crazy...

^^^^^

[what I thought was going to be a relaxing night!]

Have you ever had the feeling or thought, “I’m going crazy...”. And not the silly kind of crazy. But the legit, ‘I need to see a doctor or counselor’ kind of crazy. The out of control crazy. The ‘my mind is not a part of me’ kind of crazy?...

If you know me at all, you know I’m not a very emotional person, but rather very logical, systematic, & a thinker (vs. feeler)! I cling to those traits to get me through daily life and hard times... But this past week I had that ^^^ kind of crazy moment, which for me was shocking, frightening & just plain awful! I’ve never dealt with anxiety in my life until last week. Yes, I’ve been stressed or tense at moments and claimed it was anxiety. But until last week I never knew the full intensity of what that word entails... My week started a little stressful, but as the days continued that stress level continued to increase. Reaching the point of constant worry, all-consuming thoughts, even times of breathlessness & a heavy feeling like something was physically holding me down (yes, full anxiety attacks)! And looking back, I don’t even know what I was even anxious about. Crazy, I know! 

On Thursday night when the babe was sleeping & my husband was out, I tried to calm down & relax by taking a bath... In those moments of sitting there, my mind started racing to the far away places nobody ever wants to go; poverty, illness, tragedy, death, (brutal death) & so on. My mind was racing so fast & so out of control, I felt like & knew this wasn’t me! Something else was taking over & I was helpless! Crazy really is the only word I have for it. I can’t fully describe the feeling or even the thoughts that consumed me, but it was so real I didn’t know what to do or where to go... besides God (cliche answer, I know...but really!) 

Prayer. Constant prayer is what I fully believe helped me regain full awareness & bring me back to reality (thanks to my loving small group)! But, this all really made me think & question, “What in the world happened to me!?” The more I talked to people & the more I read up on things, I realized this is very common, especially for momma’s! Yes, hormones play a huge part in it, BUT I fully believe Satan knows just how much hormones can throw us off our feet, which is a perfect time for him to push us until we fall over the edge, into Crazy! 

Now, I could go on with this post & make it  extra “preachy” by giving tons of scripture references to not be anxious or worry, but I’m going to leave it at that, my story! Simply to shed light on the fact that as women (with crazy hormones) we have a constant battle and an enemy who is real & involved (of course there’s other factors that play a part in all of it, but the spiritual realm does exist just as much as our emotions)... But we’re not alone in this! We have each other. Others who have experienced the same kinds of things, that have thought the same thoughts, & battled the same fears... With a God who loves, protects & fights on our behalf! And a God who is bigger & more powerful than our enemy ever will be!