Be a Better Light

Wednesday nights can be of either extreme, an absolute torture (for me & my son) or simply blissful! You see, Wednesdays are when my husband works long hours. He usually doesn't come home til after 9pm (& leaves before 9am)! So for me and my 18 month old, well, we kind of get tired of each other, esp. by the time dinner & bedtime roll around... But, tonight was one of those treasured blissful nights! A night that started with tantrums, but quickly changed because I allowed myself to stop caring about the little things, like what he was & wasn't eating. Then, I improvised, I let him run around outside like a crazy little boy with his dog, & splash his heart out in the bathtub (making my floor a sloppy wet mess), & watch a bedtime show (even though he had already watched "too much" tv). And at bedtime, I even rocked him to sleep! It might sound like simple things, but it's nights like this where I have to be very intentional of just letting go... Yea, I'm one of those uptight moms wondering when the next thing is going to go wrong or if everything is going right. 

So, what makes Wednesdays like this so blissful?! It's when I can just sit back and take it all in. As I was singing Zeek his nigh-night song before bed, for no reason I just kept singing & rocking. I realized he won't always be small enough to curl up on my lap and let me rock him. He's that perfect size to snuggle right up to & I wish he could just stay this size forever. I continued to think of different songs just to hold onto that moment a little longer... As I sang "This Little Light of Mine", all I could do was reflect on MY light from that day. Was I even being a light? If so, what did it look like? ... I, yet again, realized that this uptight momma really needs a lot of grace! Also, that I don't want my kids to see a light that is slowly fading out and dimming, one that is more concerned with if they got in the mud that day or ate the right foods. But instead, I want them to see a light full of love, patience, gentleness, and one that cares more about their hearts not just actions...

So here's to praying for God to help brighten my light day by day... so that one day, my kids can also shine bright for Jesus!